Helping children with transitions and changes in routine
Most of us like knowing what is coming. When a plan changes unexpectedly, even adults can feel frustrated or thrown off. It makes sense that children can feel that way too.
What can I try at home?
- Talk about changes before they happen, using familiar reference points such as “after school” or “before dinner”.
- Try a named timer or visual countdown for a planned transition, and see which kind of signal suits your family.
- Leave room for surprises. A question-mark card on a paper schedule can represent something not yet known.
We all rely on routines more than we realise
Think about an ordinary workday. You have a plan, meetings in your calendar and an idea of when you'll finish. Then a meeting moves, a deadline changes or something unexpected lands in your lap.
Some people adjust quickly. Others need a little time to reset. Most of us have experienced the frustration of a plan changing when we weren't expecting it, so it's hard to expect children to be entirely comfortable when the structure they were expecting suddenly disappears.
That doesn't mean every change can be avoided, or that children should never encounter surprises. It means we can be more thoughtful about how we explain what's happening next.
A transition isn't quite the same as a surprise
Moving from one planned activity to another is a transition. Finding out that the plan has changed is something different. They may call for different kinds of support.
Raising Children Network suggests preparing children for changes using familiar reference points, visual countdowns and time to adjust. For an unexpected change, it also describes introducing a question-mark (“?”) card on a visual schedule when a child is calm, so the symbol is familiar before it's needed.
A visual countdown shows how much time remains. An audible timer signals that a set amount of time has finished. Neither is automatically better; the right choice depends on the person and the situation. A paper “?” card is one option for unexpected changes (paper has other strengths too); Tilandra doesn't include that specific card.
Making the signal clearer, not louder
One observation from home is that repeated reminders can become tiring for everyone. The parent becomes the person who has to keep saying “five more minutes” or “it's time to move on”.
We started using named timers through smart-home devices and voice assistants such as Siri, Alexa and Google Assistant. A timer for getting ready for bed is a simple example. When it finishes, there's an audible alert; some devices can also announce the timer name, depending on the device and settings.
The benefit for us isn't that technology somehow makes every transition easy. It's that the signal is clear and doesn't always have to come from a parent. Sometimes a visual reminder is a better fit, particularly if sound is distracting or uncomfortable. If a timer makes things harder rather than easier, don't feel you have to persist with it.
What worked for our family
At home, we've found that looking ahead at the week and using named timers for some everyday transitions work well together. One makes the bigger picture clearer; the other gives a signal when it's time for the next step.
There are still days when plans change and the transition is difficult. No schedule or timer removes that reality.
What I've learnt: the goal isn't to eliminate every surprise. It's to make the predictable things clearer, give people some warning when we can and respond with a little more understanding when plans change.
Where can I read more?
You can also explore our References page for Australian organisations and further reading.
About this guide
I’m sharing what we’ve tried as parents, alongside information from the sources linked above. This is general information, not clinical advice. If you need advice for your child, a qualified health professional can help.
Tilandra is in development and not yet available. If you’d like to hear when it is, you can learn more or join the beta.